Chapter 1: BIGGIE BLACK FIGHTING IN DOWN UNDA
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By now, Biggie Black was in a world of danger. He was trapped inside of Nicole's lair with no hope to get out, Hitler was probably putting out a search party to find him, and he still hasn't found a way back home. It seemed all was lost for him at this point. The best thing he could do was sleep on it and hope that he’ll get out eventually. So, Biggie Black soon enough fell into a deep sleep after an exhausted day of getting kidnapped for the hundredth time. He was in a dream state now, but instead of a plate of unlimited cupcakes for him to eat and epic battles between him and Lil White, Biggie Black was dreaming of a boiler room with mounds of smoke surrounding the atmosphere.
He found it strange that he was dreaming of something as dull as a boiler room, but something didn’t seem right about this particular dream. It sent off familiar vibes for Biggie Black, but he couldn’t put his finger on how it was recognizable. Suddenly, an eerie laughter filled the air as a dream demon wearing a fedora and a red and green striped sweater appeared in front of him and glared at the large man. Biggie Black recognized this demon right away. He was Freddy Krueger, the man of nightmares. Biggie Black started to get nervous when Freddy started to speak. “Well well well. If it isn’t the fat ass black man himself. I’m glad I finally found you. I see your in quite a situation with Nicole the bitch and I can help you get away from her. I know someone who could help you with your problem, but I need you to get back at a guy named Jason Voorhees for me. You think you could do that?” Biggie Black immediately agreed to his deal because he knew that it meant that he’ll get as far away from Nicole as possible. Freddy smirked mischievously and snapped his fingers.
All of a sudden, Biggie Black felt incredibly light as he snapped into reality and started to fall through the multiverse again. After around 12 hours of falling, he finally fell into the city of Pride within the third layer of Hell. Biggie Black looked amazed as he looked around curiously. He wasn’t sure who he would be looking for, but maybe he could get some information off of one of Hell’s residents. He walked over to a gay spider demon named Angel Dust who was buying a white substance from a drug vending machine and asked him if he knew anyone that could help him out. Angel Dust told him that he should speak to a few of the Sins to see if they could help him out. Biggie Black followed Angel’s advise and tried to talk to the deadly Sins of Hell about his problems. Asmodeus, the Sin of Lust, was too busy hosting his club to take notice of Biggie Black. The Sin of Gluttony, Beelzebub, didn’t have time for him either. Lucifer, the Sin of Pride, didn’t even pay attention to Biggie Black to listen to him. He decided to try to talk to King Minos of the Lust Layer. He walked into his palace and looked over at some playboy magazines that said “DON’T TOUCH” written on a small sign beside them. Biggie Black ignored the signs as he didn’t think it would be a big deal to peek at the magazines while he waited for King Minos to return. But, right as he opened up a page of one of the magazines, King Minos walked into the room and gave him a tremendous glare. He yelled out, “What is a chunky old man doing here?! And why is he touching my special readables?!!” Before King Minos could take him as prisoner, Biggie Black ran as fast as he could out of the palace. He tried to talk to a few other Sins, but it wasn’t any use as three of them were planning on creating a special event for Hell’s Orphan Race. Now, all that was left was the Australian Sin of Greed, Mammon. So, Biggie Black walked into the Greed Ring and wandered around looking for Mammon. Eventually, he found Mammon’s fortress and asked him if he knew anyone that could help him out. Mammon told him that he knew a young boy that was able to help him out. He said that his name was Dustin and that he lived in the Lust Layer of Hell. Biggie Black thanked him for his support and made his way back to the fourth layer of hell, the Lust Layer.
As he made it to the dark corner of Honkers Avenue, Biggie Black realized that the streets were incredibly quiet. He continued to walk down the dark alleyway until a large glowing creature called Sisyphus leaped in front of him and demanded who he was. By now, Biggie Black was sick of this crap, so he tried to get past him, but Sisyphus pushed him to the ground and went into a battle stance. But, before he could charge at the downed man, a familiar voice told him to quit bullying people and called him Sissy. Sisyphus sighed as he walked inside of the apartment. The person who saved Biggie Black from getting beaten up was Dustin the Dwarf. For some reason, Biggie Black felt like he recognized Dustin from somewhere, but he couldn’t put his finger on how he knew him or where he met him before. Dustin looked over at Biggie Black with a surprised expression while he said, “Brother?”. Biggie Black’s jaw dropped when Dustin called him his brother. So, that’s why he looked so familiar! Biggie Black immediately ran to Dustin and hugged his long lost brother. Dustin welcomed him inside as he introduced a few of his family members to Biggie Black. There was Dwight, his father, who was making co*ke with his brother, Walter White. There was his mother, Hulk, who was smashing his feelings away into the wall along with Dustin and Biggie Black’s other dad, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. Not to mention their brothers and sisters! Biggie Black couldn’t wait to spend some time with his long lost family, but first he needed to get back home before it was too late. So, he asked Dustin to help him and Dustin said that he knew someone who could help him get back home. They just needed to find that certain someone…
TO BE CONTINUED IN...
CHAPTER 2 /// HEAVEN'S GATES
Chapter 2: HEAVEN'S GATES
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Dustin told Biggie Black about a powerful Bard named Timothy who has the power and family to take him home. Biggie Black was confused as to what he meant by family that would be powerful enough to take him home. Was that even possible He thought that he didn’t have much to lose so he agreed to Dustin and asked him if there was a catch to him helping Biggie Black escape. Dustin said that he needed to send a message to his brother, Shrek, about a war coming across the universe to destroy him. Biggie Black was shocked about all of this. So, the librarian was right… He instantly agreed as he wanted to help out his family and get home safely.
Dustin nodded as he walked over to the chair and farted a few flames of smoke and fire on his sister, Sisyphus, for trying to attack Biggie Black awhile ago. What In return, Sisyphus threw up a dissolving acid onto Dustin’s T-shirt, but it didn’t seem to hurt Dustin in any way. Dustin sighed and he walked over to the phone as he ignored the vomit on his T-shirt. He typed in a few numbers on the phone and suddenly Timothy appeared with a poof of his flute. Dustin smiled at Timothy and asked if he could take Biggie Black to Heaven to speak to his parents, along with Timothy’s other family members. Timothy hesitantly agreed, but told Biggie Black to be kind as Gabriel is becoming very sensitive about his feelings lately and Jesus was in a bad mood. Biggie Black vowed that he would be on his best behavior while up in Heaven. Timothy smiled in acknowledgment as he played a few notes on his flute and they were both suddenly transported up to Heaven in a matter of seconds.
The gates of Heaven were incredibly cloudy as they opened up to reveal several MEN. Biggie Black looked slightly nervous as he walked through the gates of Heaven. This place wasn’t as peaceful as Hell because the men and angels looked a bit angered about something as a large Angel with wings was arguing to God about the war that was happening. Timothy quietly told Biggie Black that the Angel with wings was Gabriel and that he was the guardian Angel of Dustin. Biggie Black listened to the argument, hoping to get some answers to his questions. “All I’m saying is that Nicole could be plotting her next move and destroying all of Far Far Away within a matter of weeks!!” Gabriel shouted as God started to look annoyed. “Gabriel, Calm your wings. That wretched witch won’t be destroying Far Far Away anytime soon. Now go pester Adam and leave me be.” God spoke in a stern manner as Gabriel pouted like a child and walked off looking annoyed while saying “Fine, Babe!”. God looked over at Gabriel with a confused look on his face as he started to blush. As Gabriel walked away, he accidentally tripped on Biggie Black and looked down at the small being. “What are you looking at Aren’t you supposed to be on Earth” He said while raising an eyebrow at the small man. Biggie Black looked up at Gabriel and accidentally said, “Oh, aren’t you that hom*osexual Angel I’ve heard people talk about They have a name for you.. what was it again.. Ganiel.. Gianni..” Gabriel growled as he glared down at Biggie Black in rage. He spoke angrily, “Don’t you dare say Gay-“. Biggie Black interrupted him as he suddenly remembered the rude nickname. “Oh, yeah! Gaybriel!”he said as he smiled until he realized what he said.
Right before he could apologize, Gabriel got so enraged that his wings flared up to make him look larger than he already was. “MY NAME IS NOT GAYBRIEL!! ITS JUST GABRIEL!!”, the giant Angel yelled out, which caught everyone else’s attention quickly. Both Adam Nohe, known as Aquachrist, and Jesus walked over to the intense stare down as Adam Nohe looked enraged. “How dare you make this poor child upset! It took me 41 days to make him shut up and you come in here to do the same damn thing again! I don’t think so!” Adam Nohe responded. But, before Biggie Black could speak, Adam Nohe took off his shirt to reveal his glowing abs. Biggie Black’s jaw dropped as he hadn’t seen anything so gorgeous as Adam Nohe’s chest in his life. Before he could snap back into reality, Adam Nohe suddenly twisted his nipples and water squirted out of them and sprayed Biggie Black’s eyes. Biggie Black screamed in pain as the boiling hot water was sizzling inside of petite eye sockets. He fell to the ground and screeched as he tried to get the water out of his eyes. Suddenly, he got dragged into a large sack bag and was being carried somewhere. The last thing he remembered was two people talking to each other. “So, what do you think God will do to him” “I don’t know. I’d say he won’t want this rascal to stay up here though. I think he’ll let Satan deal with him.” Before Biggie Black could listen more into the conversation, the ride got bumpy and he cracked his head alongside something hard, causing him to black out…
TO BE CONTINUED IN...
CHAPTER 3 /// A DATE WITH THE BIG MAN
Chapter 3: A DATE WITH THE BIG MAN
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It felt like he was sleeping for days as Biggie Black finally awoken from his slumber of a nightmare. He had a gruesome headache as he tried to look around, but his eyes were still burning from Mr. Nohe’s magical nipple juice. Biggie Black groaned out in pain as he tried to find something to heal his stinging eyeballs. Suddenly, he heard muffled footsteps walking towards him as he sniffed the air, only smelling decaying flesh and rotten meat, which definitely wasn’t a good sign.. He tried his best to open his eyes as he could barely make out a small, shriveled up looking demon in front of him. The only thing blocking them from each other’s view was a sharp metal wall. Biggie Black became nervous as he realized that he was in another cell, but this one was a lot more creepy as he finally got enough of his sight to see that there were corpses of decaying humans all around his cell with chains wrapping around their bodies and necks to cause suffocation to these poor souls. His attention suddenly turned to the small demon creature as he opened the cell and walked over to Biggie Black…
He grabbed a piece of Biggie Black’s chains as he unlocked it, but Biggie Black still was only able to move his legs as the small demon hoisted him up from the ground and led him down a long, large hallway with a red carpet aligned to the whole floor. They continued to walk for a long while until they reached a large throne room with a tall red demon that had huge horns glared down at him with a menacing smile. The small demon made Biggie Black bend down on his knees as he was forced to bow down to this sad*stic looking demon in front of him. The large demon on the throne smirked as he spoke in a deep voice. “Ah, good job, Tiffy. I’m very pleased that you brought down my new pet from the chambers.” The large demon smiled down at Biggie Black as he spoke in a rather soft, yet conniving tone. “Why, hello my charming little slave. Im glad that you were able to arrive to the big welcoming party.” He gave Biggie Black a large smile, which made him shiver slightly from how creepy the demon was staring at him. Biggie Black decided to speak up as he wanted to know what was going on. “Wait. Wait. First of all.. who are you? And.. what do you mean by a ‘welcoming party’?”, he spoke quietly, yet sternly as he tried to seem calm near the large demon. The demon laughed cold heartedly and grinned down at Biggie Black as he talked calmly, “Oh, what are my manners?! Hehe.. well I’m sure you’ve heard about me from recent stories.. Most people call me SATAN.. Nice to meet you, Biggie…”
Biggie Black’s jaw dropped as he just realized that he was in some major trouble if he actually was in Satan’s lair. Satan smirked creepily down at Biggie Black as he seemed to enjoy the fear in his eyes. He chuckled to himself as he spoke again in his usual deep voice, “Anyway, I will definitely enjoy tormenting you later on, but first, I’ll take you down to Stalker’s Grove to.. pay a little visit with a new friend.. hehe.. They would love to see you again.. And we’ll have a LOT of f-“ He suddenly got interrupted as Mammon, the Sin of Greed walked into the throne room from the main gate as he looked down at Biggie Black with confusion as he talked in his Australian accent towards Satan. “What the bloody hell, Mate! I thought we talked about leaving human beings alone! I only agreed to kidnapping magical leprechauns and sh*t! Not actual smellyhumans!” Satan rolled his eyes in annoyance as he growled to himself. “Oh, stop being such a succubus, Mam! You know that we need him for our plan. You know that!”, he yelled out at him as he snarled to himself, showing rows of razor sharp teeth.
Mammon roared loudly as he started to become larger and exploded as bursts of green lightning crackled along the room. The smoke cleared away shortly as Mammon appeared with giant spider legs piercing out of his sides. He yelled out in a booming and angered voice as he said, “I outta gouge your bugger ass to the ground, ya twanka!” Satan growled back at Mammon as he accepted the challenge of a fight. But, before they could brawl, a bolt of lightning erupted from the ground in between the two as King Minos suddenly appeared and looked at both of the angry Sins with both concern and annoyance.
“What in all of the souls is going on?”, King Minos spoke with an echoing voice as he looked over at Satan in disgust. Satan scowled as he explained, “Remember that big plan we were supposed to talk about once we got that mangy little mutt of a human?! It turns out that the Australian wuss over there doesn’t even want us to steal him!” King Minos nodded in acknowledgment as he looked over at Mammon for a few seconds and turned back towards Satan. “Oh, I see. Alright then. Continue. Let me know who gets slaughter~”, King Minos said as he disappeared by another bolt of lightning.
Mammon suddenly charged towards Satan as he was about to impale him with his large spider legs. But, Satan was too quick and powerful as he grabbed a hold of Mammon’s leg and flung him across the room. The Australian Sin groggily shook his head as he got back up quickly and raised his leg towards him. However, as Biggie Black was trying to get away from the intense fight scene that was going on in front of him, Mammon accidentally swung his leg into Biggie Black as the small, yet thick man got thrown into the hard wall as he collapsed to the ground. His mid was starting to go blank again as his eyes began to close shut as he tried to stop the pain in his chest. The last thing he heard was Satan’s hypnotic voice talking to Mammon… “That’s it, Mammon… Fall into your devilish ways as the fat man sleeps…” A few seconds after Satan’s voice disappeared, Biggie Black blacked out as his chest stung from the massive blow…
TO BE CONTINUED IN…
CHAPTER 4 /// DEVILISH PLANS
Chapter 4: DEVILISH PLANS
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Ugh.. this again?! Why does this always keep happening to Biggie Black? He just wants to return home.. He just hoped that when he woke up, that all of these crazy adventures and kidnappings would be over. But, when he woke up, he wasn’t at home.. Biggie Black was in Nicole’s lair again. He groaned quietly in pain as he still felt that same pain in his chest as before. That’s when he heard someone chuckling to themselves in the background until the darkness in the room slowly evaporated to reveal Nicole and a few other people Biggie Black has never seen before. Biggie Black looked over at the strange men in confusion. The only ones he recognized were Satan, King Minos, and… Lil’ White .. Nicole smirked as he said, “Well, I see that you remember one of my little apprentices. That’s good. Because I want to make sure that you’ll suffer from that little stunt you pulled earlier.. ” He growled to himself for a few seconds until Satan calmed him down by telling him that they’ll make sure that their master plan will work exactly as planned..? That doesn’t sound good..
Nicole noticed the confused look that Biggie Black was giving to the others as he smiled and spoke up. “Oh ! I nearly forgot to introduce you to my new allies. I know that you’ve already met Satan , King Minos, and.. Mammon.. Biggie Black looked shocked when she mentioned Mammon. He nearly forgot that he was trying to save him from Satan’s treacherous plans. But, where was he..? Before he could wonder where Mammon was, Nicole started to speak again. “Anyway, I’d like to introduce you to CHUBBS, Bob, and Megamind .” She indicated to the blue alien creature licking a bar of soap, a large , chubby man eating four cheeseburgers at a time, and a pixelated little boy. Biggie Black was thinking that Megamind was the blue alien because he had a huge forehead, that the fat man eating a large amount of food within minutes was CHUBBS, and that the pixelated boy was Bob.
Before Biggie Black could say anything, the ground started to shake. Suddenly, huge cracks appeared from the floor and a hand punched through it. Someone was crawling through the large crack in the ground..? The man growled out loud as he got up from the floor. His dirty flesh indicated that he was dead..? Or so Biggie Black assumed until the man’s fleshy skin slowly evaporated to reveal a well dressed and clean Hitler frowning down at them all. Biggie Black’s jaw dropped as he didn’t see that coming at all. He didn’t realize that Hitler was that powerful of a being.. Nicole looked over at Hitler and smiled widely at him. “Ah, there is the big man himself! I’m glad you made it to our ‘meeting’.” , he said as he hoped that he would at least give her a nod, but he didn’t even move from his spot as he glared down at everyone. Nicole groaned out of annoyance as he said, “Oh, come on! Why is it that only your step daughter can make you smile?” Hitler looked down at Nicole as he spoke . “Because Natalee is actually enjoyable..” Biggie Black looked shocked when he heard Natalee’s name. She was Hitler’s step daughter?! Nicole sighed softly as he said, “Ugh.. whatever. We’re wasting time! ”
He looked back at Biggie Black as her hand extended out, forcing Biggie Black to be lifted into the air. Nicole glared at Biggie Black as he spoke softly, “Now.. make one of those rips into reality so that we could be transported to Earth.” Biggie Black looked at him in confusion. “Um, what? I’m sorry, but a rip into reality..?” Nicole looked slightly angry as his eye started to twitch. “Yes. You created a rip into our dimension, so that you could teleport here at will. Don’t you humans know anything?!” He raised his eyebrows over at the angered Nicole. Biggie Black spoke in confusion as he looked at Nicole nervously. “But, I didn’t mean to create a ‘rip’ in the dimension. I didn’t even know how I got here!” Nicole suddenly looked shocked as he said, “Wait. Your telling me that you have this unremarkable ability, yet you can’t use it?!” Biggie Black nodded quietly as Nicole spoke again. “Fine. If you can’t help us get to Earth, then I’ll just have to capture your brother and force him to tell me Shrek’s exact location.” Biggie Black’s eyes went wide as he suddenly felt a slight sting in his neck and fell to the ground…
TO BE CONTINUED IN…
CHAPTER 5 /// ITSA ME…
Chapter 5: ITSA ME…
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Jesus.. Biggie Black just can’t get a break from this messed up reality of his. He’s been through so much in a matter of days. At this point, he has woken up in another world. This world was peaceful though.. It was filled with giant mushrooms and colorful fields. Biggie Black was wondering if he was smoking weed again or something weird was going on with this dimension. But, he still liked how calm it was unlike other dimensions he’s been in before this one. He got up from the place he was sitting at and began to explore this new fairytale of a place. He wondered around until he heard a shrill screaming coming towards him as he turned around quickly and seen Toad running at him with a pointy stick. Biggie Black screamed as he suddenly punched Toad in the face, causing him to be knocked to the ground with purple blood rolling out of his head. He looked shocked as he realized that he had accidentally killed Toad. Biggie Black nervously walked away from the body while saying sorry several times and moving away from the dead body.
He continued to walk until he reached a large field with a giant satanic looking symbol scorched into the ground. He hesitantly walked in the middle of it and picked up a scroll lying there in the center of the symbol. It glowed slightly as he unraveled the scroll and began to read out the words etched into the old piece of paper.
Everyone knows Mario is cool as fuck. But who knows what he’s thinking? Who knows why he crushes turtles? And why do we think of him as fondly as we think of mythical (nonexistent?) Dr Pepper? Perchance.
I believe it was Kant who said “Experience without theory is blind, but theory without experience is mere intellectual play.” Mario exhibits experience by crushing turts all day, but he exhibits theory by stating “Lets-a-go!” Keep it up, baby!
When Mario leaves his place of safety to stomp a turty, he knows he may Die. And yet, for a man who can purchase lives with money, a life becomes a mere store of value. A tax that can be paid for, much as a rich man feels any law with a fine is a price. We think of Mario as a hero, be he is simply a one percenter of a more privileged variety. The lifekind . Perchance.
Just as Biggie Black finished reading off the strange poem, the ground started to rumble as the clouds in the sky churned to life as it started to twirl around itself like a tornado vigorously. The symbol in the ground started to glow rapidly and Biggie Black suddenly looked up at the sky to see a chunky red clothed plumber with a mustache falling in the sky towards hi m. The man finally fell to the ground and hopped to stand up as he smiled over at Biggie Black and spoke in an Italian accent. “Hello, fellow Traveler! Itsa me, Mario! You summoned me from my grave and now I will help you out.” Biggie Black looked slightly stunned, but happy that finally someone can help him escape.
Biggie Black asked him if he would be able to take him to the village where Shrek lives. Mario agreed and told him that it wasn’t too far from there actually. They just had to travel through the pipes to get there. Biggie Black nodded in agreement as he asked if he had to do something in return for Mario’s help. Mario explained that he needed to save his wife/brother, Luigi, from Satan’s grasp, which is why he was helping Biggie Black in the first place. Biggie Black nodded in acknowledgment as Mario told him that he was in the Mushroom Kingdom and that Bowser was on his way. Biggie Black shrieked as he didn’t want to stay in the Mushroom Kingdom any longer. So, he immediately jumped into the pipe and disappeared quickly through the dark abyss…
TO BE CONTINUED IN…
CHAPTER 6 /// A HERO RISES…
Chapter 6: A HERO RISES
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As soon as he launched through the pipes of the Mushroom Kingdom, Biggie Black gat thrown into another dimension.. It looked like a swampy forest as he suddenly heard an Irish voice calling out to him. “OI! Who in the farts of me bum are yoo?” Biggie Black turned around to be face to face with a large green ogre looking down at him.
Biggie Black immediately recognized the large ogre from when he got transported here from the beginning. He spoke a bit nervously up at Shrek because he looked a bit angry for this stranger being in his swamp. “Oh, um I’m sorry, Sir. I didn’t mean to intrude in your disgusting oasis, but I need to tell you some important stuff.” Shrek raised an eyebrow at the man as he listened to what he had to say. “Alright. Go ahead and speak or I’ll throw you to Donka.” Biggie Black nodded immediately and quickly told Shrek about what has happened ever since he arrived to Far Far Away. Shrek nodded as he listened to Biggie Black’s story, but when Biggie Black started to talk about Hitler, Shrek looked slightly angry. “Wait, wait wait. You’ve met me ex?! Ugh, that must have been horrible..” Biggie Black nodded as he continued to tell Shrek the rest of the story. Shrek sighed as he said, “Alright then. Those nasty fart smellers will be on their way here by sundown if we let them. So, we should get prepared. Follow me.”
Shrek started to walk towards the handmade shack in the middle of the swampy lagoon and Biggie Black started to hear “All star” music playing as they walked inside Shrek’s home. Biggie Black looked around in curiosity. Shrek’s home looked a bit rugged and dirty, but what do you expect from an Ogre? It seemed pretty sweet as he looked over towards a recliner and saw a sleeping donkey laying on it. Shrek rolled his eyes as he walked over to the sleeping donkey and farted, squirting flames into the donkey’s face until he woke up and immediately got out of Shrek’s chair and rolled on the floor to extinguish the flames on his fur. Shrek led Biggie Black down the hallway and that’s when he saw a female Ogre’s head mounted on the wall. There was a small plaque underneath it that said “For farts sake, leave me be, Fiona!” Biggie Black shivered to himself and ignored the creepy looking head on the wall as he followed Shrek into a hidden elevator that led down to Shrek’s basem*nt. As the elevator door opened down to the basem*nt, Biggie Black saw how mush technology and older weapons were down there. Shrek told Biggie Black that throughout many battles with Hitler and Nicole, he was able to get his hands on a couple of their belongs, as well as one of Nicole’s special portals that could transport you anywhere in the multiverse’s domain as long as it wasn’t Earth. Before anything else could happen, Dustin suddenly walked into the main part of the basem*nt from another room as he nodded over at Biggie Black thoughtfully. Shrek smirked as he patted Dustin’s back and said, “Hey, Dusty! You wanna come fight to the death with us?” Dustin shrugged as he spoke. “Sure, I don’t see why not.” The big ogre smiled and nodded, “That’s the spirit!” Shrek picked up a few weapons and looked over at Biggie Black as he said, “You ready, chubby man?” Biggie Black looked slightly confused, but nodded softly. Suddenly, Shrek pushed him through the portal as he yelled out “Take us to Germany! Holocaust grounds!” He jumped through the portal after he pushed Biggie Black in and they were met with a glowing purple background for a few seconds until everything became dark…
TO BE CONTINUED IN…
CHAPTER 7 /// THE GUARDIAN OF THE HOLOCAUST
Chapter 7: THE GUARDIAN OF THE HOLOCAUST
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All three of them got thrown into the ground after they went through the portal. Biggie Black looked up nauseously at his surroundings, but all he could see was a dusty large field with no life to it whatsoever. This place looked familiar… A shiver went down his spine as he didn’t like the look of this place. What did Shrek say earlier? The Holocaust..? That doesn’t sound very good at all.. He looked up nervously to see both Dustin and Shrek standing and looking around with caution and alert while they held their guns to their chest defensively. Biggie Black quickly got up and looked around, but it was hard to see from all of the fog and dust surrounding the misty air. He looked up in the sky and saw six small eyes looking down at him. Suddenly, the fog started to drift away as the three hero’s saw a giant Earthmover glaring down at them.
Biggie Black eyes went wide and his jaw dropped when he saw the large Earthmover looking at them. Shrek and Dustin pointed their guns at the creature and the Earthmover rumbled as he was about to crush the hero’s, but before he could stomp them with his large legs, a familiar stern voice was heard behind the creature. “Benjamin!” The large Earthmover turned around to see.. Natalee..? The creature named Benjamin looked excited as he looked down at Natalee with puppy dog eyes and shook his butt happily like a three year old at a birthday party. Natalee was holding some sort of stick as far as Biggie Black could see. She suddenly threw the stick a different direction and Benjamin ran after the stick while making the ground slightly shake as he ran off.
Natalee looked back over at the heroes with a soft smile, but Shrek was still pointing his gun towards her. Natalee ignored him as she said, “Hello!-“ She got interrupted as the ground started to shake and suddenly hundreds of Nazis crawled up out of the bare ground from around them. Shrek growled and kept his guard up as he yelled,”I knew this terrorist couldn’t be trusted!”He suddenly shot a bullet towards Natalee’s chest, but someone caught the bullet before it could hit her in the heart. They looked over at who caught the bullet and it was.. Hitler standing beside her and glaring at the three heroes. “Well, well, well.. if it isn’t my ex… And I see that you tried to hurt my beloved daughter, hm? Well, I’ll make sure that you all pay for that…”, he said in an ominous voice that sent shivers down Biggie Black’s spine.
Hitler looked over at his soldiers and said something in German. They immediately nodded in sync and rushed over to the heroes. The soldiers didn’t seem to care about their weapons as they knocked them out of the heroes’s hands and placed zip-ties around their arms as they led them through the battlefield. Biggie Black and Dustin glanced over at Natalee to see that she looked saddened about the fact that her friends were getting kidnapped by her family members again. But, she stayed by Hitler’s side so that she wouldn’t get in any trouble. After a few minutes of walking, they made it back to the Hitler Mansion and walked inside the secured building. As they walked inside, Biggie Black noticed that there was more guards stationed by different rooms than before. I guess they updated everything after Biggie Black’s “escape” earlier.
They made it down to the Slave Cells after around 10 minutes of walking. They walked by Jade the fairy inside one of the cells. Shrek groaned quietly and rolled his eyes when he saw another one of his exes. It turned out that all three of the heroes had to stay in the same cell for personal reasons. Hitler turned over to Natalee and told her to watch over the three guys to make sure that they didn’t try to escape or make any plans. Natalee nodded in agreement as she sat down on a chair stationed beside the heroes’s cell. For some reason, Natalee was talking to Hitler about Jade and after a little while of talking, Hitler nodded and allowed one of the guards to open Jade’s cell and let her walk out of the Mansion. After a few seconds of getting comfortable in the cells, Hitler walked out of the Slave Cells with his main guards back where they came. Biggie Black, Dustin, and Shrek sat around in their cell, worried about what will become of them next…
TO BE CONTINUED IN…
CHAPTER 8 /// MR. PRESIDENT
Chapter 8: MR. PRESIDENT
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
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A couple of hours later, Natalee stood up from her spot and looked around cautiously before she walked out into the hallway to look for something. Biggie Black sat up from his slouched position in the poorly made bench as he wondered what the young Nazi girl was up to. After a few minutes, the room went quiet as they heard someone’s footsteps walking closer towards them. All three of the heroes listened closely as they heard a new voice out in the hallway talking to Natalee. The voice was male and slightly pitchy with a German tone as it said, “Was are you doing, Nat?”. “I was just trying to help out my friends. Will you help me, little bro?”, Natalee spoke with a slight nervousness in her voice. The person considered her offer and asked a few questions. “Are they Jewish?” “No.” “Are they French?” “Ew, no!” “Ok ok.. are you sure they aren’t Jewish?” “For Karl’s sake, Matthew, they aren’t Jewish!” Natalee said in slight annoyance when the man asked the same question twice. The strange man spoke soon after she had said that as he said, “Ok ok. Just making sure. You could sneak them out the front way since nobody is around to see you. Everyone else is in the backyard training.” Soon after they spoke, Natalee came back to their cell and opened it up with a pair of keys.
When Shrek, Dustin, and Biggie Black walked out of their cell, they were met with an extremely short demon wearing a dark red Nazi suit. Natalee told the heroes that the short demon was named Matthew and that he was Hitler’s son. Before, she could continue to explain, Shrek spoke up with a surprised look on his face, “Wait wait wait.. Me and Hitler had a kid?!” Natalee held up her hands as she shook her head and explained, “What? No! Matthew is the son of Rosie the Destroyer and Hitler. He has no relations to you.” After she reassured him, Shrek looked relieved that Matthew wasn’t his kid. All five of them resolved the conflict and went back to their plan as they headed out of the Slave Cells and into the large hallway. However, something didn’t feel right. They heard shouting coming from the hallways as some strange voices started to yell out in Russian. The heroes decided to sneak towards the hallway to see what the ruckus was about and what they saw was absolutely horrifying.
They witnessed a whole group of Russian men hassling Hitler and the other Germans, threatening him to tell them where their slaves were in Russian, which they couldn’t understand. Before the five could sneak out of the Mansion, Biggie Black saw a German chocolate cupcake sitting on the coffee table in the kitchen and couldn’t resist the urge to stuff his face in it. So, he quickly waddled over towards the living room. By the time Natalee and the others tried to pull him back towards the exit, it was too late and the group immediately got surrounded by large Russian men with ak-47s and pistols. Both Natalee and Matthew were the main ones who were trying to fight back against the Russians and they made significant progress, killing several men with guns along the way. Before they could kill many more men, however, one of the Russians whistled which caught the two young Nazi children’s attention. They both looked over and saw Ivan, the leader of the Russian mob, holding a gun to Hitler’s head as he smirked down at the kids and spoke in his visible Russian accent, “Ah ah ah, you two don’t want your dearly beloved papa to have his brains get shot out, right?” The two kids paused and frowned as they quickly surrendered along with Shrek and the others, not wanting to see their father/step father get hurt. They were lucky though because Ivan said that he’d make a proposal with Hitler and said that he’ll leave the Germans alone if he gets to take some of Hitler’s slaves and workers. Hitler hesitantly agreed and allowed Ivan to take whoever he pleased as long as it wasn’t anyone too important to him. Ivan chose Natalee, Shrek, Biggie Black and Dustin to take with him. Hitler was about to object when he heard that he wanted Natalee, but Ivan held up his gun towards Hitler’s head and Hitler stopped himself from ripping Ivan apart and quietly allowed them to take Natalee away. Ivan and his gang of Russian men chuckled proudly to themselves as they dragged Shrek and the others out of the Hitler Mansion and into the dull forest of the Holocaust Era.
What felt like days later, the group finally made it to this large metal looking base that looked a lot like the White House back in the United States. Ivan and the rest of the Russian Mob took Shrek and his friends along with Natalee inside the large structure. Inside of the building looked quite political and well cleaned, yet it also looked like the inside of a prison cell. Almost everything was made out of metal except for the essentials of a normal home like food, compatible appliances, etc. Ivan’s men took Biggie Black, Dustin, and Shrek down a long hallway, while Ivan led Natalee towards a different direction. The large Russian men made Biggie Black and his brothers go into this large, well-built court room where they were forced to sit down on the benches in front of the pedestal in the front of the room. As soon as they had walked into the room, they noticed a tall man standing in front of the pedestal with a big intimidating forehead, wearing a suit and tie and black pants. He wasn’t the only man in there however. Behind him, standing by the wall were two younger boys, possibly his sons Biggie Black assumed. One of the boys looked like he was in his 30s, but he was completely metal. That sure as hell is cool.. and he was wearing clothes! The other boy standing beside him was much younger, but he was taller than the metal man. This tall, muscular boy looked like he was an American human. He was also wearing a tuxedo, but he had dirty blonde long hair and looked taller than everyone else in the room. Biggie Black noticed that most of the other men in the room were former presidents of the United States. Hell, even Abraham Lincoln and Theodore Roosevelt were there! As Shrek and Dustin were distracted by the main man with the large forehead speaking towards them, Biggie Black noticed that in the corner, two men were making out with each other. One of them was obviously Donald Trump, but the other one looked.. vaguely familiar to him..
Biggie Black got sucked back into reality, however, whenever the buff man in front of him began to speak as he spoke in a stern, yet demanding voice, “Well well well. I see that you mortals have made your way down to my enemy’s base. What were you all doing there? Seeking out an alliance with a traitor such as Adolf to charge attacks on my gorgeous minions?” Shrek was the one who spoke first as he denied what this political man was saying. “What? No, President Steven Armstrong! That’s not what we were doin’ at all! We were captured by that horrific fart. We weren’t doin’ any allyin’. I swear!” President Armstrong didn’t look like he believed what he was saying as he shook his head and demanded, “Then what in the nine sins were you doing with a Nazi?!” Biggie Black intervened when he figured out who he was talking about, “She was just trying to help us escape. We weren’t really working together to plot anything against you, Your.. highly… majestic.. manly man..?” President Armstrong raised an eyebrow at Biggie Black and looked offended from what he just called him. “What the f*ck did you just call me? Don’t you know who I am? I’m the president of Far Far Away! I practically own you!”, he said with an angered expression on his face as his skin started to turn black…? Biggie Black shook his head quickly as he had his hands held up in defeat. “No no, Sir.. I didn’t mean to make you mad. You see, I’m not from around here. I’m from a place on Earth called Canada. That’s my home and-“ Biggie Black was cut off as President Armstrong started to laugh and bang the pedestal in front of him with his fists. The men around President Armstrong started to fake laugh and chuckle as if they didn’t have a choice as President Armstrong began to speak again and they all quieted down immediately. “Then why didn’t you say that, strange looking fleshy man?! Since your not from any dimension around the Holocaust Era, then I guess I could trust you. You know what? Why don’t we become allies? I need another alliance to help gain my chances in this stupid ass war anyway and I’d say that I could trust you and that large guy that looks like a booger as well as that tall, but alarmingly handsome boy that looks like my guardian Angel.”
President Armstrong winked over at Dustin and chuckled as he smirked and looked back over at Biggie Black and said, “So, what will it be?” Biggie Black began to think hard about this. An alliance? Why would he need an alliance with anyone if he wasn’t even involved in the war? I mean, sure it would mean that he’d have some protection from Hitler and Lil’ White, but what will that mean for him and his friends? Will this President Armstrong guy be just like everyone else he had encounters with and lock him in a cell too? Or would he actually be a kind acceptation and become an ally for Biggie Black in a war that he didn’t even choose to be in? And what would happen to Natalee if Biggie Black teamed up with President Armstrong? Would he be able to convince him to let her go..? He had to pick something quick before President Armstrong decided to lose his patience…
TO BE CONTINUED IN...
CHAPTER 9 /// A NEW ALLIANCE
Notes:
One of the few things in her stories that is my idea is the inclusion of Senator Steven Armstrong from Metal Gear Rising Revengance, and to make him the current president of the United States was also my idea.
Chapter 9: A NEW ALLIANCE
Chapter Text
20 minutes of decision making led Biggie Black to agree to ally with this President Armstrong. He decided that allying with someone wouldn’t be the worst idea. Especially since many people in this dimension were out to kill him. It didn’t make any sense! Anyway, after agreeing to be an ally with President Armstrong, the tall man gave him a fierce smile as he walked off of the pedestal and signaled Biggie Black, Shrek, and Dustin to follow him. Everyone else stayed in the room except for the one tall muscular boy who was apparently named Harley and the completely metal man which was called Colossus. They followed behind Biggie Black and his friends, which confused him. President Armstrong saw the confusion in Biggie Black’s eyes and explained that Harley and Colossus were his sons and that they were only following them for protection. That would make sense, but.. why would someone so scary like President Armstrong need his own kids to protect him..? Maybe this war was more brutal than Biggie Black had first imagined it to be…
The six guys walked down the hallway until they were met with Natalee talking to some of the Russian men that they had been captured by earlier. They seemed to be getting along pretty well even though just a couple of days earlier, both her and Matthew were killing off the Russian men with their fists and weapons. When they walked towards her, President Armstrong began to frown as he looked pretty mad that she was still here. But, he made sure not to show that towards Ivan and his men. President Armstrong led Biggie Black and his brothers to this one secluded area where there were only two men outside, guarding the door. One of the men was quite a noticeable president with his long top hat and black beard. The other man wasn’t as noticeable however. He was a bit smaller than Abraham Lincoln and he had a slick polyester coach shirt with a slight ruffled brown beard. He had a small tag that said “RCMSHS Football coach - J. Shipe”. Biggie Black guessed that he was probably a teacher since he had a high school name tag on his shirt, so he figured that most people just called him by Jared or Mr. Shipe by his students.
He didn’t have much time to think about it while President Armstrong walked into the small office and had expected Biggie Black and his brothers to do so as well. So, Biggie Black nodded bowed politely over at Abraham Lincoln and Mr. Shipe and quickly followed behind Shrek and Dustin into President Armstrong’s “business office”. Right when they walked in the room, Biggie Black noticed a familiar teenager with black hair wearing a black shirt and pants sitting in one of his seats. It was his son, Noah! But,.. why was he in President Armstrong’s office..? Was he in trouble or something? He didn’t seem to be scared or anything. Especially since he looked over at Biggie Black and gave him a smirk as he made a peace sign with his fingers and said, “Hey, pops. What’s up?” Biggie Black was too stunned to speak, so Noah got bored after waiting for a reply and went back to looking at his phone. Shrek, Biggie Black, and Dustin sat down in three different seats in front of President Armstrong’s desk as Shrek spoke up about Noah. “So whats that kid who looks like he could be Harry Potter and Elvis Presley’s offspring doin’ in a celebrity presidential office?”, he said with a raised eyebrow. Noah didn’t seem to be paying attention to Shrek’s possible insult as he just flipped him off from his seat. President Armstrong chuckled from his response, which immediately quieted down the room as everyone went silent and allowed him to say, “Oh, Noah? He’s my agent. We wouldn’t have figured out that you were escaping from Hitler’s Mansion if he hadn’t hacked into their devices and tracked down their location. He may look pretty scrawny for a kid, but he sure is a valuable spy- I mean, asset to our foundation..! Hehe..” He said the last part quickly as if to hide what he just said before that sentence and everyone seemed slightly confused, but no one dared to question him so they just kept their mouth shut.
President Armstrong cleared his throat as he spoke up again. “Anyway, the main reason why I’ve been hoping to team up with you, racially motivated citizen, is because you know how to transport yourself from place to place. We need someone like that to teleport to Stalker’s Grove and try to make Nicole ally with us to gain more power in the war. Especially since Hitler is developing my alliances quicker than we thought..”, he stopped as he groaned to himself and looked quite mad about the last thing that he had just said. This made Biggie Black extremely confused. Why was everyone he met thinking that he has teleportation abilities? That’s the opposite of how he even got there in the first place! But, he didn’t mention anything about that. The last thing Biggie Black wanted was to make this well-built president angry and getting ripped to shred by his bodyguards or him; maybe even becoming a slave again… No. He couldn’t let that happen again, but he had to come up with a plan and soon…
TO BE CONTINUED IN...
CHAPTER 10 /// A LONG JOURNEY TO HELL
Chapter 10: A LONG JOURNEY TO HELL
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After several minutes of deciding, Biggie Black chose to help out President Armstrong the best he could manage (not to mention, he looked like he was about to punch Biggie Black in the face if he didn’t decide quickly, so he chose to do as he asked). President Armstrong smiled creepily and nodded as he said, “Excellent! Well, follow me. I’m sure you could use some men to help with the battle in case Nicole fights back.” Biggie Black hesitantly followed behind the muscular man and decided to ask if he could choose some people to bring along. President Armstrong seemed to ponder on his question for a while, but allowed him to bring 3 people with him on his journey to see Nicole. Biggie Black agreed to this offer and knew who he wanted to bring along. He chose to take Dustin, Natalee, and Shrek along with him to search for Nicole. So, Biggie Black, Shrek, and Dustin walked over to Natalee who was still speaking to Ivan and told her that she needed to come with them on their adventure to look for Nicole.
Natalee agreed to join them because she thought that it would be fun to join this psychotic journey to Hell. She then told Biggie Black and his two brothers that she knew someone who could help them find Nicole. Shrek and Dustin nodded in agreement as they wanted to know who would help them find Nicole the quickest, so Natalee led Biggie Black and his bros towards one of the back hallways until they reached a metal door that had a sign that said, “Room for the Intimidating Deranged Insecure and Odd Troublemakers~ (IDIOTS)”. All three of the hero’s entered the dark room and passed by several different cells with famous creatures such as Megamind, Kermit the Frog, Peppa Pig, and many more as Natalee was in the front of the group searching for the person who could help the team out. They continued for a while down the hallway until they reached a particular cell with a guy that had Caleb Hess’s body, but Megamind’s head trying to kiss Jade the fairy. Jade looked over at Natalee and the others and quickly flew over to the cell door in a hurry as they opened it for her and she flew out, leaving the weird looking Megamind mutant licking at the doorknob to be let out. Jade, Natalee, Biggie Black, Dustin and Shrek made it out of the IDIOTS cell shortly after that as Natalee explained to them that Jade knows Nicole more than anyone and would have to know where Nicole was.
Biggie Black and his brothers looked over at Jade as they waited for her to tell them where Nicole the witch was. After around 20 minutes of silence, Jade finally said with blush on her face as she tried her hardest not to laugh. “And why should I help you? Maybe I need something in return,.. Baby..”, she said sassily as she couldn’t help but giggle and look away. After that, Biggie Black and his brothers weren’t sure what to do to make her change her mind, but Natalee sure as hell did as she walked over to Jade the fairy and said, “How about I give you 28 chocolate bars, 729 bottles of Mountain Dew, and 16 cats from the Hitler Stache?” Jade’s eyes widened as she took the offer immediately and said quickly, “Deal!”.
Soon after that experience, Jade told them that Nicole was probably down in the Lust Layer of Hell, taking care of the rape reports with her step uncle, Valentino. The group looked unsettled by the fact that she had said that, but they weren’t surprised. I mean, it’s Nicole the witch we’re talking about! She’s probably more well known down in Hell than Hitler is. Anyway, they all agreed on terms of where Nicole might be. Now they just needed a way to get down there cause there was no way that Biggie Black would be able to conjure up a portal for them. But, it turns out that Shrek already had a plan as he turned to Dustin and said, “Oi, brother. You think you can make us a portal with one of your belly boomers?” The 8 foot tall dwarf shrugged as he stepped away from everyone else to get more room as he only said, “Alright.” Dustin then started to sway his head as if he was in a rock band as his long beard started to make a sphere like shape as he started to chant the words:
“Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you!”
As he finished chanting those familiar lyrics of the legend himself, a red portal appeared out of Dustin’s beard as Rick Astley’s head popped out and blew Dustin a kiss. The head slowly faded away into the portal out of view. Now there was only one thing for the team of hero’s to do. Go down to Hell and find Nicole before she makes an ungodly alliance with someone that they wouldn’t be able to face alone…
TO BE CONTINUED IN...
CHAPTER 11 /// WELCOME TO LUST~!
Chapter 11: WELCOME TO LUST~!
Notes:
This chapter is the most explicit of them all.
Please be slightly warned.Yet again this is the city of lust it gotta be explicit or it just ain’t right.
Chapter Text
The team ventured inside of the red portal that Dustin had spawned with Biggie Black in the lead. They all walked through the portal and Dustin turned around and burped, causing the portal to disappear. The group looked around at the Lust Layer of Hell as they saw that it looked pretty retro 80s with blue streetlights shining light on the roads and a pink vaporwave sunset that shone bright in the background. Everyone down there looked pretty strange too from Hookers to Drug Dealers, they knew that they were in the right place. That’s when Biggie Black noticed that they weren’t alone. It seemed that a group of characters joined them on their mission to search for Nicole. There was Mr. Shipe, John F. Kennedy, Abraham Lincoln, Harry Potter, and Giga Chad who had also decided to join this already weird group.
But, Biggie Black and his fellow companions allowed them to follow the group. It didn’t do them much harm and they needed help on their journey anyhow. So, the group looked around the streets for Nicole, not gaining any use finding the witch. By now, the Sun has went down and the pink skies shown brightly in the night as the only other demons that were away and outside were prostitutes, hookers, and hobos other than Biggie Black, Dustin, Shrek, Natalee, Jade, Mr. Shipe, John F. Kennedy, Abraham Lincoln, Harry Potter, and Giga Chad. But, before the team could go any further, they found out that Dustin had to go back to his house for his family’s nightly pledge of allegiance to Rick Astley before bedtime. So, they said their goodbyes as the 8 foot tall dwarf headed down a street called Honkers Avenue and walked into one of the apartment complexes. The team was slightly sad as Dustin left, but they knew that he needed to leave, so they went back to what they were doing as they finally decided that they needed some directions on where Nicole might be, so why not ask one of the demons that were standing around? So, Biggie Black and his friends walked over to a familiar spider demon named Angel Dust. But, Biggie Black was too nervous to talk to Angel Dust since he looked to be in a bad mood, so Jade got impatient and walked over to him as she said, “Hey, Gay Legs! Do you know where Nicole the witch is?” Angel Dust looked over at her with a smirk and chuckled, “Yeah, Small tit*. He usually hangs around at Club Hell 666. You can’t miss it.” Jade’s jaw dropped as she looked offended, but before she could say anything, Natalee nudged her arm with her elbow and Jade sighed in annoyance. So, she headed back to the group and said, “He’s at Club Hell 666. Let’s go, bitches..!” She couldn’t help but giggle at what she said as everyone else rolled their eyes except for Mr. Shipe who just raised an eyebrow at Jade. Jade ignored his gaze as the group made their way to Club Hell 666 to find Nicole.
After around 10 minutes of being lost, the group finally made it to a large building that had a huge sign that said “Club Hell 666” and on the side of the door read, “Anyone who can suck a dick will be hired if they choose to come to our board meetings. You’ll be well rewarded with anything that you’d desire including p*rn films, money, and fame~ XOXO, Valentino~” That message made everyone there shiver slightly with nervousness and disgust as they read that. But, Shrek just chuckled and smirked as he said in his Irish accent, “Now that’s a man who’d have a good time.” Biggie Black and the rest of his companions gagged a bit at Shrek’s response except for Natalee and Jade who just tried their best not to laugh.
Anyway, Biggie Black, Jade, Natalee, Shrek, Mr. Shipe, John F. Kennedy, Abraham Lincoln, Harry Potter and Giga Chad walked into the building and immediately saw that what they just walked into.. was a strip club. They all looked around and saw that there were several poles that both women and men were using, two separate bars, and eight private rooms for.. personal reasons. The team decided to separate, so that they could search for Nicole. So, John F. Kennedy, Harry Potter, and Shrek walked over to the pole dancers to search for Nicole there, while Jade, Natalee, Biggie Black, Giga Chad and Mr. Shipe decided to walk over towards these pink benches where several demons were crowding at. They joined the crowd and saw that the group of demons were surrounding the overlord of the Lust Layer and Nicole’s step uncle, Valentino. They also saw that Chris the elf was getting a lap dance by his mother, Goofy who was wearing Fiona’s dress and tiara. After around 30 minutes, Valentino finally shooed the crowd of people away from boredom and looked over at Chris’s slim body with amusem*nt. He walked over to the elf and his mother as he stopped Goofy from stripping and told him to go entertain some of the celebrities by the private rooms. Chris looked disappointed that his mother stopped giving him a lap dance and looked over at Valentino with a frown as he shook his head and said, “What the f*ck man?! I was enjoying that!” Valentino rolled his eyes and scowled as he showed his sharp teeth and bent down to Chris’s height with an evil smirk as he spoke in a Spanish accent. “You know, Darling.. I’m sure that you’ll enjoy something a lot better than a sappy dance by your madre. I can give you something such as fame if you want it..~” He whispered the last part in Chris’s ear as Chris blushes a bit and raised an eyebrow at him as he said, “I’m listening..” Valentino smirked larger as he took Chris’s hand and dragged him towards his office. “Just follow me~”, he said in a seductive voice as he shut the door to his office.
A couple of minutes later, Biggie Black and his friends heard Chris scream as they saw the elf running out of the office, naked and afraid as he cussed to himself and ran out the door. Mr. Shipe and Giga Chad cringed when they saw the naked boy running out of the room, wondering what they got themselves into. Meanwhile, John F. Kennedy, Harry Potter, and Shrek were having a good time, watching the dancers, not remembering that they still had to look for Nicole and Jade, Natalee, Biggie Black, Giga Chad and Mr. Shipe all looked traumatized by what they just saw as they looked over at the office door and seen that Valentino was walking out of it and back towards the pink benches with a cigar in his mouth.
Biggie Black and the others followed behind him until they had to talk to him face to face as Biggie Black was the one who spoke up first with a shaky voice as he spoke, “Um.. excuse me,.. bald old man.. why did you just-“ He got caught off guard as the moth demon spoke suddenly while smoking his cigar and puffing pink smoke from his mouth. “Relax, Dear. I was just giving my step niece a little favor is all. Unless if your asking for a private talk?” Valentino asked with a suggestive look on his face while he looked the fat black man up and down. Biggie Black quickly shook his head as he explained, “No no no. That’s alright! Um.. I was just wondering.. Who is your step niece..?” Valentino raised an eyebrow at the man as he scoffed and said, “Are you f*cking me right now? Her name is Nicole. I’m sure you’ve heard of her, Dear.” Biggie Black quickly nodded as he recognized who he was talking about and spoke up. “Yeah, we know her! Do you know where she is?” The moth demon chuckled and smirked, showing his gold teeth as his said, “ Of course I do. But, I won’t just tell you without a price~”
Biggie Black, Jade, Mr. Shipe and Giga Chad looked nervous about what he meant by that until Natalee spoke up and said, “How about this? We can give you a new model that I’m sure demons would find interesting.” Valentino raised an eyebrow at Natalee with interest as he waited for her to continue. “We know someone who’d be well suited for a business such as this. His name is Adam Nohe, also known as Aquachrist. He might be Christian, but he’ll be able to get you tons of money if you talk to him about the job. He even squirts hot water out of his nipples.” Valentino looked surprised to hear about this Adam Nohe man, but also interested in what she was telling him. So, 3 minutes of deciding later and he agreed on her offer as they shook hands on it. “Alright, Sweetheart.. Nicole is down by a town in the Dark Lands called Cowboy’s Ridge. You wouldn’t miss it.”
Biggie Black nodded in acknowledgment as he listened to what Valentino told them, but before he could thank him, Mr. Shipe suddenly spoke up in his usual calm voice. “Now hold up. How do we know that you aren’t just lying and sending us off to some deserted place where hippies go to hook up or something?” The 10 foot tall moth demon raised an eyebrow at Mr. Shipe as he stood up to his full height and glared him down as he spoke in a grim voice. “Are you suggesting that Im lying, small abuelo?” Before Mr. Shipe could say anything else, Natalee spoke up as she scowled at Valentino and said, “Hey! Remember our deal. No fighting and abusing others or I’ll stop giving you the antenna scratches.” Valentino growled in annoyance as he glared over at Mr. Shipe, but didn’t say a word as he rolled his eyes and looked over at Natalee and Jade as if he remembered something.”Oh, by the way. Vox and Velvette wanted to talk to you two back at the V Towers.” He indicated to Natalee and Jade as the two girls sighed in exhaustion as they said their goodbyes to everyone and walked out of the club as Natalee quickly kissed Abraham Lincoln’s cheek and said “See ya, grandpa Abe” as she walked out with Jade. Then, Biggie Black, Mr. Shipe, Giga Chad, Harry Potter, John F. Kennedy, Abraham Lincoln, and Shrek made their way out of Club Hell 666 and back towards the streets as they tried to figure out a way to get to Cowboy’s Ridge to speak to Nicole…
TO BE CONTINUED IN…
CHAPTER 12 /// THE BIG OL’ RANCH
Chapter 12: THE BIG OL’ RANCH
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
The group of hero’s made their way back towards the spot where Dustin had created the portal not too long ago as they tried to think of a way to make it to Cowboy’s Ridge without having to walk from Hell all the way to that dimension in the Dark Lands. Everyone had their own ideas on how they could transport themselves to Cowboy’s Ridge to talk to Nicole. Harry Potter thought of conjuring up a teleportation spell to make things easier for them, but the rest of the guys thought that that would draw too much attention. Shrek came up with an idea that he could teleport them to Cowboy’s Ridge, but Biggie Black didn’t like the plan, thinking that he’d just end up teleporting them in front of someone dangerous and having them lose their cover. And of course, Biggie Black didn’t know how to teleport since he only did it on accident like 30 times, so he wouldn’t do much help. Then, they all looked over at Giga Chad, who was just staring off into the distance with his handsome, well-built muscles shining in the night sky.
So, Biggie Black hesitantly walked over to Giga Chad and gently tapped his shoulder. Giga Chad’s body didn’t move, but his head twitched and twisted as it looked down at the black man. Biggie Black gulped as he spoke nervously and said, “Uh.. hey Buddy.. Um.. can you maybe.. make us a portal to a town called Cowboy’s Ridge..?” The tall, muscular man didn’t say a word as he turned around and walked away, which just made Biggie Black and the others mad until Mr. Shipe said, “Uh oh. You guys better hold onto something. He’s gonna smirk!” The buff bodyguard then ducked to the ground and shielded his eyes. But, before Biggie Black and his friends could do the same, Giga Chad suddenly levitated into the air and started to make a low growling noise as his jaw started to crack open before chanting in Russian. Biggie Black’s jaw dropped and Giga Chad sent out a nuclear explosion that caused the group to only see white for a matter of minutes.
Then the ground started to shift as Biggie Black, Shrek, Abraham Lincoln, Mr. Shipe, John F. Kennedy, and Harry Potter fell to the dusty ground coughed up dirt and tried to look around, but for the first couple of minutes, they all just saw a bright light. Over time, they were finally able to see colors as they all looked around and noticed that they weren’t in Hell anymore. They were in a dry, barren desert that went on for miles. Biggie Black turned around and squinted at the horizon as he saw a dark red light coming from miles away, so he suspected that was probably the Dark Lands where Timothy and his great grandfather stayed at. The group groaned quietly as they looked around for a town that might have been Cowboy’s Ridge, but they couldn’t see much of anything other than dry plants, dirt and ridged hills in the background. But, that’s when they heard some sort of vehicle driving towards them and heard someone making what sounded like a dirt bike sound.
Suddenly, they saw a black blur appear from the sky as a 6 foot tall cowboy on a black dirt bike landed on the ground in front of them as he smirked down at the odd group. “Howdy! The names Brennen. I’m the sheriff of these parts. What’re y’all doin’ out here all alone?”, he said with a slight creepy tone to his voice as he looked at them with a smile. Biggie Black looked slightly confused as to how this nice, yet strange cowboy was acting kind towards them as he said, “Oh.. well, me and my friends just came here to visit with someone named Nicole. We need to ally with her to help us out in the war.” He explained to him as Brennen just nodded softly and fiddled with his shiny gold badge for a bit until he looked over at Shrek, Giga Chad, Abraham Lincoln, John F. Kennedy, and Harry Potter with slight confusion as he asked, “Who in the turkey giblets are they?” Biggie Black jumped up slightly when he realized how rude he was being after not introducing them to the sheriff, so he introduced Shrek, Giga Chad, Abraham Lincoln, John F. Kennedy, and Harry Potter, but before he could introduce Mr. Shipe to Brennen, the young’s sheriff immediately recognized him as he got off of his dirt bike and walked over to Mr. Shipe. The 6 foot tall cowboy wrapped his arm around his shoulders and smiled at him as he said, “Hey, Mommy~ I didn’t know you’d be travelin’ with anyone.”
He leaned in and kissed his cheek. That’s when Mr. Shipe pushed him away as he cringed and threatened to punch his kid as he held his fist up towards Brennen’s face. Brennen in return smirked and went back to his bike as he chuckled. Biggie Black and his friends were surprised that Mr. Shipe was actually Brennen’s mother, but they didn’t say anything about it as Biggie Black spoke up again. “Oh. Uh ok..? Well, do you at least know where we are?”, he asked the young sheriff with a raised eyebrow. Brennen paused and chuckled as he patted his dirt bike as if it was a pet and said, “Well, course I do! Your in my domain, Bud. Your on the outskirts of Cowboy’s Ridge.” Shrek suddenly spoke up with a smirk. “Oh, alrighty then. Can you take us to town? I’m sure we could get you an onion or somethin’.” Brennen chuckled and shook his head. “No no no. I don’t really need anythin’. I just don’t wanna get in trouble with my pops. Ain’t that right, Ma?”
Mr. Shipe rolled his eyes as he ignored his son and groaned while he looked away. Mr. Shipe then said something underneath his breathe as he said, “Just let me handle your father. I want you to take these kids to Cowboy’s Ridge so that we could stop this nonsense. Got it?” His son sighed with a small frown on his face as he nodded. “Alright. Alright. It take them to town..”, Brennen said as he looked back at his dirt bike and made a quick whistling noise. Suddenly, the back of his black dirt bike transformed into a decently large buggy attached to the back of it. Biggie Black, Shrek, Abraham Lincoln, John F. Kennedy, and Harry Potter all looked impressed by Brennen’s advanced vehicle. Brennen then sat down on his dirt bike and patted the spot behind his seat as he smirked and said, “Come on, Mommy. Your sittin’ in the big kid’s seat with me.”Mr. Shipe groaned to himself and frowned as he hesitantly walked over to where Brennen was sitting as he sat behind him. Then, when everyone was safely seated both in the buggy and on the dirt bike, Brennen hit the gas hard as the dirt bike went flying through the barren land at immense speed. Before they knew it, they were in front of a decently large town with a metal enclosure in the middle as a few familiar cowboys from the town of Dirt whipping some of the creatures in the metal enclosure including Alvin and the Chipmunks, Teletubbies, Barney, and George Washington.
Brennen and Mr. Shipe seemed to ignore the broken down slaves as Brennen walked over to a particular building and called Biggie Black and his friends over to follow him. Biggie Black and everyone else followed him reluctantly as they ventured into a small dimly lit hallway. Brennen led the way as the others looked around curiously and saw just how cramped the hallway was and noticed a couple of cells on their left side along with some signs that read the prisoner’s names as well as a small title name underneath it. For example, the first slave in their cell was a young teenager named Brayden Reed and his small title read, “Smells different every day-Smart, so can’t give them what they want-Smells like cheese, wax, and lavender toilet paper”. John F. Kennedy and Biggie Black were the ones who peeked into his cell and heard Brayden yell out, “Ugh, Brennen! It smells like your feet in here! Can I please at least go out to the Courtyard..?” Brennen shook his head as he continued to walk and said, “Nope. You wouldn’t let me sniff your neck, so I can’t let you out, you bad boy.” Brayden scoffed in annoyance as he grumbled to himself and secretly flipped off Brennen as the hero’s walked past his cell.
Then, they made it to another cell, but this one was empty. The sign read, “Melanie Bryant” and her title said, “Always acts like she knows everything-Smart, so can’t let them out-Is funny though”. Inside of the cell, however, Melanie was nowhere to be seen and it seemed like there was a small hole in the wall that the fairy could have slipped through. The group decided to try to ignore it until Brennen noticed that Melanie wasn’t in her cell and he looked both upset and disappointed. “Oh, darn… it took me a week to get that sneaky little girl. Huh,.. well that sucks.”, the cowboy said with a sigh and a slight head shake as he lead the team up a flight of stairs and into a board room. Inside of the room was several people including Dr. Hannibal, John Madison, Eminem and Professor X. There also seemed to be a teenage boy with blonde, curly hair as he sat on a chair in the corner wearing a white and little blue dress and blue bows in his hair as he frowned and glared over at the main guy sitting at the desk in the middle of the room,… Lil’ White. Lil’ White smirked at Biggie Black and his friends as he didn’t seem angry, but actually looked pleased to see Biggie Black there. He glanced over at the high school boy that was wearing the dress as he smiled at him. “Oh, Gavin, Honey. Don’t be rude.” He looked over at Biggie Black’s friends and rolled his eyes as he whispered, “He’s just a little shy. That’s my niece, Gavin Kildow. Isn’t he beautiful?” Biggie Black, Shrek, and John F. Kennedy couldn’t help but giggle as the black man nodded in slight agreement as he said, “Hehe.. yeah. He is a pretty little princess..” Gavin just glared over at Biggie Black as he said, “Your cooked, black bro.”
Everyone paused as Lil’ White shooed away Gavin and told him to go play with the cowboys down in town as Gavin sighed and carried his gown down the stairs. Lil’ White continued to smile until Gavin was gone and that’s when he signaled Brennen to sit beside him and Mr. Shipe to sit next to him as he made him hold his hand. Then he looked over at Biggie Black with a cold glare as he said, “Now what do you want, you son of a bitch..?”. Everyone in the room looked over at Biggie Black as he looked offended by what he said and spoke up. “Hey, all I want is for Nicole to make an alliance with us. Especially since Hitler already has enough people to create four armies if he wanted to.” Lil’ White suddenly burst into laughter as he smirked and said, “Oh, such a stupid man you are.. Nicole is already teamed up with Hitler. How did you not know that?” Biggie Black paused with a look of realization on his face as he remembered it all now and felt stupid that he wasted most of his time on this.
After a while of silent thinking, Biggie Black sighed to himself and frowned. “Well, I can’t just give up. I didn’t come here just to pick a fight with you. So, where is the crooked witch?”, he asked as he glanced at Lil’ White with the same glare. Lil’ White scoffed and looked slightly impress, yet annoyed by Biggie Black’s bravery as he leaned on his desk. “Alright, Cowboy. He’s over in the Dark Lands, talking to his rival, Timothy about something.” Biggie Black paused as he remembered the dark red lava looking place that they saw earlier on. That’s when he realized that he might have to gain another person if he only had Abraham Lincoln, Harry Potter, Shrek, and John F. Kennedy in his group and they may be the only ones who could help in case something bad happened to the hero’s…
TO BE CONTINUED IN…
CHAPTER 13 /// A FIGHT AGAINST RIVALS
Notes:
that awkward moment you meet your former slave master…
Surprised biggie black nor lil white decided to murder each other, wouldn’t do anything however. They both are immortal.
Chapter 13: A FIGHT AGAINST RIVALS
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Biggie Black decided that he needed more men to help him in case something did go wrong, but he didn’t have time to find someone else. So, all that was left was to just travel to the Dark Lands and face Timothy and Nicole on their own. But, first, they’d have to get out of Cowboy’s Ridge, which might be a problem, since Biggie Black and Lil’ White are pure enemies. Biggie Black glanced over at Lil’ White and sighed as he thought of a solution and said, “So.. can we go now?” Lil’ White scoffed and shook his head vigorously as he shouted, “No! You aren’t leaving my town without being enslaved and brought to death!” Then, Brennen spoke up and said something stupid. “Hey, Pops. Isn’t this town mine?” “Shut up, boy..” Lil’ White said in response with a scowl and Brennen’s hands went up in defense. Then Mr. Shipe spoke up as he held Lil’ White’s hand and said softly, “Hey, Honey.. Don’t you think that the best thing to do would be to let these men leave with a vow of never returning?” Lil’ White shook his head in disagreement, but before he could shout out anything, Mr. Shipe suddenly leaned in and started to make out with Lil’ White on the table. Everyone was shocked about what was happening and couldn’t take their eyes off of this horrendous scene, but then Mr. Shipe signaled for Biggie Black and his friends to leave, so they did as the buff bodyguard told them to and quickly walked out with Jackson, Brennen’s bodyguard, following behind them to ensure that they wouldn’t run off.
They made it outside and saw that Jackson was a 5 foot tall skinny man with a slick black leather jacket and black leather boots. Biggie Black wasn’t sure why Brennen would need a bodyguard in general. Nevertheless, a skinny looking teen like Jackson, but the black man didn’t want to appear rude, so he didn’t ask questions. He also noticed that Jackson had sunglasses on that hid his identity as he nodded towards the gates of Cowboy’s Ridge and walked back inside the building they were last in. So, Biggie Black, Shrek, Abraham Lincoln, John F. Kennedy, and Harry Potter ventured back into the barren desert towards the Dark Lands. They knew that it’d be a long trip and were ready for whatever would come their way. After a while of walking, Biggie Black figured out that the two presidents in their group would just slow them down, so he kicked Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy out of the team. But, the presidents didn’t seem to mind as Abraham Lincoln used some sort of telepathic abilities to transport both him and John F. Kennedy back to their dimensions.
Biggie Black, Shrek, and Harry Potter continued their adventure towards the Dark Lands and across the bare wasteland of a desert. Soon they made it to an older looking yellowish brown RV and thought that someone was probably there since there were noises going on in the inside. So, Biggie Black was the first to act as he walked over to the camper and opened the door. He went inside only to discover Walter White, Jesse Pinkman, and.. Dustin?! They seemed to be making some sort of blue crystal-like substance from some chemical tubes. Biggie Black assumed that they were making sugar of some sort, so he didn’t find it too important. But, he did need another person to join them in case anything bad happened, so he asked Dustin the 8 foot tall dwarf to join him, Shrek and Harry Potter and of course Dustin agreed to join them.
By the time the odd group made it to the Dark Lands, it was nightfall and the only thing that lit up the area was the molten lava and small little nightlights glistening across the sky. They carefully walked up to the gate of Bowser’s castle and were met with two Koopa Troopas who held large spears and pointed them at Biggie Black and the others. “Halt! How do you serve the King, Travelers?”, one of the Koopa Troopas said. Biggie Black looked nervous and wasn’t sure what to say and suddenly Shrek spoke up for him as he said in an Irish accent, “We’re here to see Timmy, me boy.” The Koopa Troopas paused and raised an eyebrow at him. Then they glanced at each other as they whispered, “Is he talking about Kamek’s boyfriend?” “I’d say he is.” They looked back at Biggie Black and his group as they moved over for them and the one Koopa Troopa said, “Then, the prince will see you soon after his meeting with Nicole the witch.”
Biggie Black, Shrek, Dustin, and Harry Potter quietly walked inside of the large castle as they gazed at the nearby furniture and loved how gorgeous, yet creepy it all looked. Suddenly, Harry Potter spotted a vase being shattered on the floor in the nearby living room as they heard two people arguing. The group quietly peeked into the room and saw a sight to behold. On one corner of the room was Nicole the witch along with CHUBBS, Tracey, Jade and Satan in the background watching the arguing take place. On the other side of the room was Timothy the bard and he had Chuck Norris, Kamek, Elon Musk, and Mario in the background. There was also Bowser sitting on his throne in the middle of the room with a big scowl on his face as he rolled his eyes down at the fight scene.
The two continued to argue for a while as Timothy said, “Nicole, I’m not doing that! You should have thought about what you wanted before you started making fun of me.” Nicole scoffed and rolled his eyes as he said, “Well, you should learn to suck it up, Tam! You know how I am and you know why I’m like this. This is why I’m not inviting you to my 13th wedding.” “Like I’d want to be invited to that, Nicole! You know what? You’re just a bitch!” Everyone gasped as they looked over at Nicole to see what his reaction would be. Nicole laughed as he just said, “Well, guess what, Tam? You’re a hoe!” That’s when Timothy had enough. He started to levitate in the air as his deck of cards circled around him as if they were a saw blade. Nicole smirked as he started to levitate as well, but had a odd purple glow to his body as the greenish orb behind him started to glow as bright as the sun. Then, Timothy made a large roll of DND dice out of his magic and suddenly threw it towards Nicole. Nicole did something similar, but he threw his greenish orb towards Timothy. Biggie Black and his friends couldn’t help, but shield their eyes as they waited for something horrible to happen…
TO BE CONTINUED IN…
Chapter 14 /// SAMURAIS OF THE RISING SUN
Notes:
I’m just that character that spawns out of nowhere doing the most random thing you can think of… I was spending quality time making crystal blue meth with my uncle and brother…
Chapter 14: SAMURAIS OF THE RISING SUN
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
They waited for 2 minutes, but nothing happened. Biggie Black and his friends expected for an explosion to happen. But, when they opened their eyes, they saw that right before Timothy and Nicole could fight each other, a black fat blur appeared from the darkness of the room and leaped into the air in front of them. The familiar character, now known as Peter Griffin, took out his red, black, and pink katana from his sheath and launched it into the ground between Nicole and Timothy, causing the witch and bard to fall backwards in a tremendous explosion of Peter Griffin’s laughter. Biggie Black, Shrek, Harry Potter and Dustin all fell to the ground, trying to shield themselves from the bright light.
After 10 minutes of the light slowly disappearing, Biggie Black and everyone else tried to adjust to the light, but before they could do so, a large young boy with a small pony tail and an outfit similar to what a sumo wrestler would wear appeared from the darkness along with several ninjas including the Ninja Turtles themselves. Before anyone could react, however, the large boy suddenly squatted down and yelled out a noise that sounded like a football player. He then quickly ran forward and bumped his heavy body into CHUBBS, causing the fat, diabetic god to bounce backwards into a wall and start to inflate himself as he bounced off the wall and ceiling like a bouncy ball. That’s when everyone went into a panic, including Biggie Black who tried to run towards the nearby hallway where the Koompas and strange turtles were running into. But, before he could run into the hallway with Shrek, Dustin and Harry Potter, one of the Ninja Turtles, Raphael, leaped in front of him and punched him in the face, causing the black man to pass out…
Hours later, Biggie Black slowly woke up in what looked like a Japanese sewer system? He tried to look around, but wasn’t able to because of the tight twine bound around his arms and legs to keep him, Shrek, Harry Potter, Dustin, Timothy, Nicole, Jade and the others facing forward as they all looked over at a large abandoned sewer system in front of them. There also seemed to be some secret patio that Peter Griffin was standing on as he and his phantom self stared into the distance. After Shrek and the others started to gain consciousness, the odd place stopped with the ominous silence as Vergil, Zane, Leonardo, Ben 10, and Master Wu walked forward with their weapons in and hand stopped at the edge of the murky water on the left side of the sewer system. Then, they heard more footsteps coming from the right side of the room as they saw Shredder, Lloyd, Raphael, Dante, and Garmadon step forward and do the exact same thing on the other side of the murky water streaming down the middle of the room.
Biggie Black and his friends as well as his enemies were confused, yet curious as they looked towards the end of the room and saw that there was a handmade Japanese style bed (aka the floor) towards the back where Jetstream Sam, Youmu Konpaku, Donatello, and the large young teenager wearing the outfit similar to a sumo wrestler were all standing in positions as Peter Griffin stepped forward and walked through the line of ninjas towards Biggie Black and his friends. Once he reached Biggie Black, he pointed at him and that’s when the ninjas suddenly all looked down at Biggie Black. After a minute or two, Dante and Vergil step forward and hoist Biggie Black to his feet. Peter Griffin turned around without saying a word as Vergil poked Biggie Black with the Yamato, indicating for Biggie Black to move in which he did as he followed behind Peter Griffin as they entered a different room.
This room was completely different and looked absolutely beautiful, however, since it had a perfected cherry blossom tree growing from the top of the surface down towards the sewers they were in like a chandelier. The only thing that destroyed how beautiful this area was was that CHUBBS, Satan, and Elon Musk were in three separate cells in this gorgeous room as they all glared over at Biggie Black. However, Peter Griffin seemed to ignore them as he walked over to a particular part of the sewer system and sat down on the ground, patting the area in front of him, telling Biggie Black to sit down along with Jetstream Sam, Youmu Konpaku, Donatello, and the other boy. Peter Griffin stared down at the ground for a second until he glanced over at Biggie Black and spoke in a slightly Brazilian accent, “So, Mr. Black.. Why have you traveled to the Dark Lands to engage in a battle that you cannot win?” Biggie Black looked slightly confused at how formal he sounded, but ignored it as he explained that he was only trying to make Nicole ally with Biggie Black and his friends. Peter Griffin couldn’t help but give off his familiar little “hehehehe” laugh at what Biggie Black just told him. “Oh, you are much stupider than I thought. You see? Nicole does not ally with anyone who is already allied with Shrek or even if their related to the funny ogre. He will still want to kill you when you get the-“ Before Peter could finish speaking, CHUBBS suddenly yelled out, “Yeah! We will have our revenge on you… worthless.. pieces of..” The fate god of diabetes was too out of breath to finish his sentence as he held his chest and breathed heavily as he leaned on the cell door. Satan made fun of him for being out of breath just by talking, which caused CHUBBS to scowl and grow slightly bigger.
Peter Griffin ignored the fat god again as he explained to Biggie Black that Nicole won’t ally with him, especially since he’s already teamed up with Shrek and it’s too late by now. By them, Biggie Black finally understood that important rule of Far Far Away and how that worked. But, he still wondered one more thing as he asked, “Oh uh ok.. well, would it be alright if I.. allied with you? I mean, you seem to be smart and know what your talking about, so.. maybe we could team up..?” Peter considered his offer and after 3 minutes of thinking, he nodded his head in agreement. Biggie Black smiled triumphantly and then paused as he looked over at Jetstream Sam and the other quiet ninjas curiously. As if Peter had just read his mind, he started to explain to him that Jetstream Sam, Youmu Konpaku and Donatello were his parents and that the big, but young looking teenager was named Elijah, who was Peter’s son and the one who attacked CHUBBS in the first place.
For some reason, Elijah’s introduction seemed to trigger something in CHUBBS as the fat god realized that Elijah was the one who caused him to bounce into the wall and ceiling. He growled to himself as his body started to grow by the second as if he was a magic beanstalk or something. Sooner than expected, CHUBBS’s body shrunk up in his cell and everyone thought that the cell would hold him up, but boy were they wrong.. The walls of the sewer system were starting to crack as well as the floor as CHUBBS continued to expand his body. Around 20 seconds of expanding for CHUBBS later and the cell that he was held in completely collapsed as he pushed out of the brick walls and into the hallway. The now 17 foot tall fat man glared down at the group as his mouth started to open wide. It looked like he was going to eat Biggie Black, but Biggie Black tried to run away. However, black spirits started to rise out of CHUBBS’s mouth and charged towards Biggie Black, grabbing his legs and pulling the chubby black man towards CHUBBS’s gaping mouth. Peter Griffin, Donatello and Elijah tried to grab Biggie Black and pulled him to safety, but it was already too late as his body was pulled into the dark abyss known as CHUBBS’s mouth…
TO BE CONTINUED IN…
Chapter 15 /// A FAT MAN’S HELL
Notes:
Peter griffin’s katana is named the Ryūbakeoni. It is a mix between Jetstream Sam’s Murasama, Youmu Konpaku’s Roukanken, and Vergil’s Yamato.
Ryū = dragon, Bake = ghost, Oni = demon
(I think)Peter griffin is also a Half Brazilian half Japanese half phantom. (Doesn’t make sense but ok.)
I played a part in this chapter by designing Peter griffin’s whole character.
Chapter 15: A FAT MAN’S HELL
Chapter Text
A quiet home in Africa. That was the last thing that Biggie Black was able to remember before his parents disappeared. A small, yet chubby Biggie Black running down the halls towards the kitchen to get breakfast. His fat ripples through the air as the baby black boy moved quickly until he reached the table. His mother, E. Aster Bunnymund, lifted him up in his high chair with his big muscles. The little baby boy sniffed the air excitedly as he smelled his favorite thing in the whole world… “Bwekfest cupcakez!”, the baby screamed with joy as he saw a large plate of 12 cupcakes move towards the table with his dad, Shaquille O. Neil holding the platter while he brought them to Biggie Black’s mouth. The little boy ate them within seconds and smiled happily up at his parents. E. Aster Bunnymund smiled down at his son proudly as he said, “Remember to eat those cupcakes, Kiddo. You’ll grow big and strong just like your daddies!” That’s when the door collapsed open and Teletubbies rushed into the room, grabbing Biggie Black’s parents and dragging them away while they shot Biggie Black with a strange purple powder. The last thing he could remember were Shaquille O. Neil and E. Aster Bunnymund yelling out, “Biggie! Biggie! Biggie!-“
He thought it was too late as he coughed on what felt like that weird purple substance that changed his life forever.. He swatted away at what he thought was the Teletubbies, but when he slapped the Tele-tubby in the face, he heard a familiar Irish voice cuss out at him. Then, Biggie Black opened his eyes and saw Shrek scowling at him. He figured that he was just dreaming of his parents again. Biggie Black quickly hugged Shrek and was happy that he woke up to his friend, but Shrek just shooed him off of him as he was not in the mood with this lovey dovy stuff. “Have you gone mad, ya donke?! We’ve been captured again!”, the Irish ogre said with a snarl. Biggie Black’s eyes widened as he sat up and realized that he was coughing from the dust and debris that he was inhaling. All he could see was dark red walls covered in a moldy and gross substance that smelled of rotten flesh. Biggie Black couldn’t help, but gag as he looked around and noticed that Shrek, himself, and his friends were not the only ones down in this disgusting wasteland of a dungeon. There were dead bodies of former slaves everywhere.. that’s why it smelled so horrible in here. Before Biggie Black could throw up, however, he heard footsteps coming down from the nearby staircase and saw that the person walking towards them was.. Natalee..?!
She had normal human clothes on instead of her dull green Nazi suit. She smiled over at the group as if they weren’t enslaved again and walked over to a hook on the wall with a pair of keys as she pinched her nose to avoid breathing in the dust and air, which seemed like a smart idea. She opened up their cell and told them that she had to tie up their arms with some rope to avoid them escaping. Before Shrek could complain or disagree, Natalee had already tied up his arms along with Dustin and Biggie Black who were all in the same cell. Biggie Black looked around the dungeon once more before they left and noticed that Nicole and Timothy weren’t anywhere to be seen in the cells. Natalee saw how confused he was and told him that since Nicole was allied with CHUBBS, then he wouldn’t have to be taken prisoner and Timothy escaped before he could get caught by Boris or her. This Boris person confused him even more, but before Biggie Black could ask, Natalee took them out of the dungeon and into this clean and clear marble and gold hallway where this tall guy with a cool looking Afro grabbed Biggie Black, Dustin and Shrek and took them towards a different room.
Biggie Black assumed that this tan man was probably Boris, but he didn’t ask since the guy looked kind of grouchy and not in the mood to talk. He led the hero’s into this large and astonishing main throne room. There were marble walls lined with gold furnishings across the whole room. There was a giant furnace on the side of the room with two white benches in front of it. The main thing that Biggie Black and his brothers noticed though was an extremely fat blonde haired man sitting on a huge golden thrown in the middle of the room. The big god looked fatter than Biggie Black and that’s saying something. CHUBBS glared down at Biggie Black and his two brothers as Biggie, Shrek, and Dustin were forced to bow down to that thick god of diabetes while Boris and Natalee had to stay in the hallway cleaning the furniture and floor. Then, CHUBBS spoke up with a snarl, “Well, well, well. If it isn’t the big guy that has an alliance with the boy who body slammed me into the d@…%$ed wall!” Biggie Black flinched back when he heard the god’s voice boom across the hallway with an echo, but Shrek and Dustin didn’t seem intimidated. The fat god of diabetes spoke up again after he saw Biggie Black flinch back. “I’ll banish you all by dawn. Boris, take these horrid men out of my sights before I change my mind.”, he said with an eye roll.
The man with the rocking Afro walked forward and sighed to himself as he grabbed Biggie Black and his brothers and took them away from CHUBBS’s throne room and back into the goreful looking dungeon. Boris cut off their ropes and placed them back in their cell. He then walked back out of the dungeon as the room went dark. Shrek looked over at the small window that was barely visible in the dungeon and saw that it was already dark outside. He looked over at Dustin and said, “Oi, brother. You think ya could look through that window and see where we’re at?” Dustin shrugged a bit and looked through the window. He then spoke up and said, “I think we’re in Greenland. All I see are trees..” Suddenly, Shrek got excited and smiled as he said, “Well, get me up there, Dusty me boy! I got a plan.” So, Dustin and Biggie Black tried their hardest to lift the heavy ogre up to the window. When Shrek made it up to the window, he tapped the window three times and burped in it..? Before Biggie Black knew it, a short red headed man with a black hat and green suit hopped through the bushes. He looked a lot like a leprechaun.
The Leprechaun sneaked over to the dungeon window and smirked as he made a few swirling gestures with his hand and suddenly the window disappeared. He looked over at Shrek and smiled as he said, “Shrek me boy! Where in the Devil were ya?! I haven’t seen you seen the Great Leprechaun Leap.” Shrek chuckled as he smirked a little. “I know I know. I’ve been busy though, Leppy. We could talk more if you get me and me friends out of this nasty stink pit.” The leprechaun thought about it and looked over at Biggie Black’s golden chain with joy. “Hm.. I’ll get ye guys out of there if you give me that shiny chain.” Biggie Black paused and thought about it. The chain was important to him, so why should he give this 3 foot man the thing that he cherishes? But, he reluctantly agreed to the offer and handed Shrek the gold chain to give to the leprechaun. He took it greedily and stuffed it in his pocket. The leprechaun then giggled joyfully as he then tap danced his shoes on the ground. Suddenly, Biggie Black, Dustin, and Shrek were teleported outside of the cell and the hero’s were free!…
TO BE CONCLUDED IN…
Chapter 16 /// AN IRISH FANTASY
Chapter 16: AN IRISH FANTASY
Notes:
This chapter wasn’t meant to be the finale, but Natalee never got to write much more before school ended.
I had to change the story a bit to make it fit as an ending, the last few paragraphs are my writing.
Chapter Text
As soon as Biggie Black, Shrek and Dustin teleported out of CHUBBS’s dungeon and out into the garden, they immediately ran after the leprechaun to get away from CHUBBS and his evil ways of life. They followed the short, but speedy creature deep into the thick forests until they made it to a part of the forest that smelled of cereal and rain. The group of hero’s looked around the area and noticed that several trees were chopped down and Biggie Black wondered why. But, Shrek and Dustin didn’t seem too worried about what had happened to this part of the forest. Before Biggie Black could ask the two brothers about what they knew, a 7 foot tall lumberjack with a thick red beard and flannel came out from one of the trees and held his ax up in the air to attack the hero’s as he let out a gruesome yodel.
As soon as the large man yodeled, a group of red headed (or just buff) people came out of the bushes, ready to attack including Paul Bunyan, Yosemite Sam, Manly Dan, Testosteraur, and Stoick. But, before the large red headed man and his people attacked, they saw Shrek and immediately lit up with joy. The 7 foot tall guy who looked like a giant leprechaun leaped in front of Shrek and smiled happily as All Star music started to play from a nearby bush where the familiar YouTuber, Jacksepticeye, was playing a flute. Suddenly, Shrek and the giant leprechaun broke out in song as they sang:
“Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me
I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed
She was lookin’ kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb
In the shape of an ‘L’ on her forehead.”
Then, the other red headed (or just buff) men started to sing along:
“Well, the years start comin’ and they don’t stop comin’
Fed to the rules and I hit the ground runnin’
Didn’t make sense not to live for-“
Then, Biggie Black interrupted the Irish singing as he spoke up, “Um.. sorry for interrupting, but.. who are you guys..?” All of the buff red heads stared down at him as the one with the ax raised an eyebrow at him and said, “Oi, Shrek. Who is the short black guy?” All of a sudden, Jacksepticeye jumped out of the bush and placed his flute back in his pocket as he spoke up with a sharp Irish accent and said, “Easy there, Zander. Im sure this little burnt nugget doesn’t mean any harm. He’s just not from around here. Are ya, Pipsqueak?” The green haired man asked with a smile down at Biggie Black. He wasn’t sure whether to feel frightened or angry that Jacksepticeye was acting like he was a child when he was probably older than this Irish maniac! But, Biggie Black did appreciate how kind he was, so he didn’t act rude and was about to say something, but then Shrek spoke up, “Oh, don’t mind him. That little guy is a part of me crew. And you all know Dusty, me boy.” He smirked and turned to the 8 foot tall dwarf and playfully ruffled his hair.
The group of buff redheads all walked over to Dustin and playfully nudged the tall dwarf as they acted like he was a part of their family along with Shrek. It was adorable, yet scary to watch.. It made Biggie Black miss his family and wonder if he’d be allowed to stay down in the Lust Layer of Hell with Dustin until he could either find his parents or go back to Canada. But, before he could ask Dustin the question, the tall leprechaun with the ax strapped to his back, which Biggie Black assumed was Zander spoke up, “Alright. Well, we better get you guys back to the village before Bloody gets hungry. Are you all achin’ for some food?” Both Biggie Black and Shrek nodded vigorously as they heard their stomachs rumble just by the sound of that word while Dustin just shrugged. Before they left however, Zander asked Shrek if Jade the fairy was also with them. Shrek shook his head and told him that both him and Jade broke up years ago, which in return, Zander seemed slightly saddened by the fact, but didn’t let it tear him down. “Ok then. Let’s get you guys some grub,” Zander said with a sigh as he led the men back into the woods towards the village of Lucky Land.
While they walked, Jacksepticeye seemed to stay beside Biggie Black looking both friendly, yet also frightened..? Biggie Black decided not to ask any questions about it though, so he looked around for the leprechaun who took his gold chain back at CHUBBS’s palace. Jacksepticeye glanced over at Biggie Black and saw how nervous he looked as he said, “Hey, little guy. You doin’ ok? You aren’t worried about Bloody, are ya?” Biggie Black looked confused as to what he meant by “Bloody” as he shook his head and explained to the Irish Youtuber that a leprechaun told him to hand over his gold chain to be set free from their prison. Jacksepticeye just laughed as he said, “Oh, him? That feisty leprechaun is always on the greedy side of things. Here ya go, Lad.” The green haired man then tap danced on the ground and pointed his finger at Biggie Black’s neck, causing a gold chain that looked exactly like the one he wore to appear around his neck.
Biggie Black was amazing and wanted to know how he did that, but before he could ask, the group had already made it into the village of rednecks as they walked past several bars and blacksmith workshops. The group finally made it to what Biggie Black could only think was Zander’s home as they walked inside. Shrek and Dustin made themselves at home as they sat down on two flannel recliners in the living room. When Biggie Black made his way into the living room, that’s when he noticed the creepy bear head on the wall, just staring down at him as if it was watching him this whole time. Zander saw how scared Biggie Black seemed and explained to him that the bear head was actually Bloody the bear’s head on the wall. This confused Biggie Black even more, thinking that he was being lied to about this odd and creepy creature called Bloody the Bear. However, he ignored his thoughts as he decided to just let himself relax as well. He was safe after all..
So, the night went on as Zander the lumberjack and his family told gruesome stories of his family fighting as well as the Origin of Bloody the Bear. All was going well as the night had came to a slow end and the hero’s had to leave. Biggie Black told Dustin and Shrek about his plan to get back to his home in Canada and possibly a plan to try to stop the fight that Hitler and Nicole has reigned for centuries. After he told them his plans, Dustin asked him a simple question, “Why are you so obsessed with stopping this war?” He immediately spoke up again, leaving no time for Biggie Black to answer, “And you don’t have to leave, you’re here with family. C’mon man just stay here and live a peaceful life with your bros.”
Biggie Black thought about this, this war has been prophesied for his whole life, well over 200 years. If he stops the war he changes the whole narrative of the multiverse. He takes a moment and comes up with an answer.
“I don’t know why I’m trying so hard to stop this, but I guess it’s inevitable…” Biggie Black responds to Dustin’s question. “I’ll stay with you bros.” Just as he finished his answer Dustin stood up to him and gave him a big pat on the back, “That’s my boy.”
…and so, Biggie Black ended his quest to end the war of the multiverse, and at last he gets to spend time with his family and friends, for the first time in 200 years.
/// END ///
